Posts Tagged ‘start’

A new beginning

So I’m at one of those decisive points of your life. Where a single decision will have various implications, which will lead you to a completely different path had you chosen the other option(s). But unlike the other great change I’ve had in my life two years ago, this time I feel like everyone else around me has also moved on to new directions.

The first big change came when I decided to move to another country. My goal (or should I say excuse?) was to attend and complete a Master’s degree. So, after having lived in the same country, same city, and same apartment for roughly 24 years, I had left everything behind and embarked on this new journey wholeheartedly. (Well, not really, actually. I didn’t just ‘leave’ everything behind as if I didn’t care about it. I just said it that way to add an extra dramaticity to the whole thing. =P And besides, with the advent of the internet, you don’t really need to deny all relations to your past.)

Yes, that was a HUGE step for me. And yes, I’ve learned things and experienced things in the past few years that I never would’ve done if I continued to live the same life I was living. I’ll never forget the transformation I went through. From the frightened little girl arriving in a strange country knowing no one to the more confident young woman searching for her place in the sun.

Now I’m about to leave the place I’ve lived for the last two years to start something new elsewhere. I don’t know where I’m going yet. I don’t know what I’ll be doing then. I don’t know what job I’ll get and what exactly will it entail. All those questions still remain to be answered. And the fact that I kinda have a deadline to get everything figured out scares the crap out of me right now. But I know that, somehow, I’ll pull through. Something will happen. Everything will be alright.┬áBut still, it’s easier said than done.

There is a little difference between these two life-changing moments for me, though. On the first time, when I left my country, I felt that everyone else I knew there were continuing with their life. Or, in other words, I felt like my life there was continuing – only without me. Everything I would be doing, everywhere I would be going. It was all still there. Still going on. But I wasn’t there to experience any of it. I was the one who moved away.

But now it’s different. I feel like my life here is over anyway. That it has come full circle by now. Everyone I’ve met here has either moved to different countries – whether temporarily or for good – or has been away for summer. I’ve seen them going, one by one, leaving town and on to their next exciting step. And so will I.

I don’t know if this makes everything easier or not. This time I’m leaving no one behind. I’m somehow free to start afresh. My next page is completely blank, sitting there in all its availability for me to go ahead and start defining it however I want. It feels good. But also feels terrifying. But I’m finally ready to, once again, gather all my most important belongings and go out there. Ready to make new mistakes and learn from them. Ready for “new”. A new beginning.


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